Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I hope mine doesn't look like that
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
