all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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