i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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