I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
