I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
