its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
