Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize