if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
