Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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