I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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