in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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