..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
