Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
