I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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