There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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