South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
no you cant smoke seaweed
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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