I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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