Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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