dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize