Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
