i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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