After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize