Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
