Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
