Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
