youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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