garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
