you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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