is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
