once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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