Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
