My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Enjoy the penises
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
