It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
