I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
