If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
