don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
