Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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