matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
