Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
