Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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