I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
