just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My penis needs a shock collar
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
