I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
