His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
