yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
