dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
