so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
