i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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