Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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