he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
