Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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