Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
