I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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