the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
