Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
