they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
