She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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