he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
