His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
