and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
