You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
