The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The air taste purple.
Randomize
