Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The struggles of a small town man whore
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
