So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
