I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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