I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
