so explain again why im purple
no
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
