okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
