you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
