So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
