okay pat passed out under dana's car
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
