I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize