I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I need water and some morals
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
