Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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