HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
