So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
