you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
birth control should be required to get into college
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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