Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
