I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
