have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
