dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
