i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
