It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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