i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
