i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
